1. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife.
2. Thou shall covet thy neighbor’s daughter, especially that one who works the register at Bath & Body Works after school lets out.
3. Thou shall park way over at the Walmart so the overzealous mall cops won’t “run the plate” again.
4. Thou shall fill thy pockets with bountiful gift certificates to Justice, Aeropostale, Forever 21 and Claire’s.