Tag: Vicar

Prime Minister Theresa May is pushing to declare war on Syria after announcing her favourite Bible passage is ‘Thou shall not kill unless it might provide a boost in the polls and help secure a trade agreement’ early this morning. The vicar’s daughter claims to have access to a special edition of ‘The Bible’ which offers her guidance in times of trouble. ‘Being borne of the cloth, I was handed a very special version of “The Bible”. It offers a selection of handy get-out clauses when its teachings are inconvenient to you,’ said Mrs May. As well as justify mass-murder, Theresa May’s Bible also allows for the starving of the poor as long as it helps to create tax-cuts for corporations and the wealthy. ‘It really is a very useful book. I’ve handed out copies to all of my Conservative colleagues,’ she told us. Britain now looks likely to venture into Syria alongside America, with a lucrative trade agreement potentially at stake, making the slaughter all worthwhile.