Monday, April 22, 2019
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An Apology to the Cherokee Nation

Senator Warren has now apologized for a DNA test she took last year in response to a dare from President Trump. This may help mend fences as her own campaign for the office of President moves forward.
A look at the big issues facing the Supreme Court this fall

Noted Political Scientist Dies

The Story: An influential political scientist died on December 20: David M. O’Brien (1951-2018) had...
Jordan: Trump will be looking for a new attorney generalvideo

The Once and Future Attorney General

The Story: Soon after the funeral of former President George Herbert Walker Bush, President Donald Trump nominated a...
Former President George H.W. Bush in intensive care

The Passing of George H.W. Bush: Points of Light

The Story: The 41st President of the United States, George H.W. Bush, died on November 30, 2018, at his home in Houston. Those who recall...

The Bill of Rights and ‘Excessive Fines’

The Story: The US Supreme Court is scheduled to hear arguments on Wednesday, November 28, in a dispute that may determine whether the 8th amendment...

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

The Story: Yesterday, while Americans voted, the US Supreme Court heard arguments about the meaning of the constitutional phrase "cruel and unusual punishment," in a...
Sen. Elizabeth Warren pitches anti-corruption plan

Senator Warren and the Cherokee

The Story: Though Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-Ma) has long received ridicule from the right, and from the Oval Office, for her family-lore-inspired claims to Cherokee...

Trump-Kim summit to be held at Castle Grayskull

The first ever meeting between Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un will take place in Castle Greyskull, the White House has confirmed. Castle Grayskull, Eternia will welcome the US president and North Korean leader in a historic meeting that is scheduled to take place June 12th after an initial false start. ‘It was very bigly of me to re-arrange this meeting on neutral ground,’ began President Trump. ‘I look forward to a full and frank discussion about how great I am.’ Grayskull was agreed upon by both parties as it has often been a battleground for good and evil in the past. ‘This will be the first time Castle Grayskull will be used as a meeting point for evil and evil though, as far as I’m aware,’ said Prince Adam of Eternia. Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un have both been invited to visit the Hall of Wisdom before the summit, an invitation that both men have declined.

Trump’s Lawyers Argue That He Cannot Be Impeached Because He Was Never Actually Elected

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what they believe is a legal masterstroke, lawyers for Donald J. Trump are now claiming that he cannot be impeached because he was never actually elected. In a lengthy memo sent to the special counsel, Robert Mueller, the lawyers pushed back vehemently against any allegation that Trump was legally elected President. “Because Russian interference made the election of Donald J. Trump wholly illegitimate, any attempt to remove him from an office that he does not legally hold is clearly impossible,” the memo asserted. The memo claimed that the Constitution contains “no provision for removing a person from office when that person was installed there by a foreign power.” The memo went on to argue that, if a subpoena is sent to the White House, it will be returned to Mueller and stamped “addressee unknown.” “A person referred to in a subpoena as ‘President’ Donald J. Trump simply does not exist,” the memo claimed. Minutes after the memo was leaked, the former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani appeared on “Fox & Friends” and proudly announced that he was its author. “Sometimes I have to just step back and say, ‘Damn it, Rudy, you’re good,’ ” he said, beaming.

Trump Makes Pence Watch Him Issue Pardons to See How It’s Done

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—President Donald J. Trump made Vice-President Mike Pence watch him issue pardons for several hours to see how it is done, a White House source confirmed. According to the source, Trump pardoned a number of disgraced political figures and former reality-show cronies for the sole purpose of training Pence in the art of issuing pardons. After signing pardon after pardon while Pence looked on intently, Trump commanded the Vice-President to sign a “practice pardon” to prove that he “wouldn’t mess anything up,” the source said. Before trying his hand at issuing a pardon, Pence heaped praise on Trump for the pardoning demonstration he had just given. “Mr. President, as in everything you do, your mastery of pardoning has been a wonder to behold,” he said. “I pray to God that, if I am ever called upon to issue a pardon, I do it with one-tenth of the skill and grace you have just displayed.” “Stop sucking up and sign it,” Trump reportedly snapped.