Tag: Win–loss record (pitching)

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A Washington, D.C., man has won a nationwide essay contest on the topic “Why Donald J. Trump Shouldn’t Go to Prison.” The man, Brett Kavanaugh, received his award for the winning essay at a ceremony at the White House on Monday night. Kavanaugh’s essay, which was distributed to the press shortly after he was announced as the winner, reads as follows: “Donald J. Trump should never go to prison because he is the President of the United States and the President of the United States is a very important person in the country. It would look bad if visitors from foreign countries came to the United States and asked, ‘Where is your President?’ and we had to say, ‘He is in prison,’ which in my opinion is another reason Donald J. Trump should not go to prison. For these reasons, if I am ever in a position to keep Donald J. Trump from going to prison, I will do that (keep him from going to prison).” Shaking Kavanaugh’s hand, Trump heaped praise on him for his “very, very beautiful” essay, calling it “maybe the best essay that has ever been written.” “I did not personally read it, but Ivanka read it aloud to me, and I thought it was fantastic,” Trump said.

Glenn Jacobs, a 7ft wrestler who was one of WWE’s biggest draws during the early 2000s, has won the Republican primary in Knox County, Tennessee, and is set to become a candidate for mayor. Knox County’s current mayor, Tim Burchett, is a Republican and the area has gone to the GOP candidate in every presidential election since 1944. The people who cast a ballot for me, my great team, my wonderful volunteers. Looking forward to VICTORY in the general election! May 2, 2018 Jacobs appeared as various characters in WWE, including a dentist called Isaac Yankem, before achieving fame as Kane who the wrestling organization described as teh half-brother of The Undertaker and “a monstrous abomination that seems to have been extracted directly from your childhood nightmares.” The 51-year-old Jacobs was born into a military family and studied English literature at college, where he also played basketball and football. He has been vocal about his libertarian views throughout his wrestling career and on his campaign website says he aims to keep taxes low and put forth “a fresh outlook on limited government”. Jacobs supported libertarian Ron Paul in the 2008 presidential election and said he would like to see “the IRS eliminated and ... income tax ended”. In 2014 he spoke to Fox Business about his political views. “There are things that I can agree with from both sides: perhaps the civil libertarian issues of the left and also the economic freedom issues of the right while still rejecting the big government tendencies of both sides of the political spectrum,” he said. “The great thing about libertarianism is it really is the American Dream: It’s the ability of everybody to live their life and build their life according to what they want, so long as they don’t hurt anybody else.” If Jacobs wins the mayoral race he will follow the lead of former WWE star Jesse “The Body” Ventura who became mayor of Brooklyn Park, Minnesota, in 1991 before being elected the state’s governor in 1999.

Incumbent Democrat Dan Lipinski won a narrow victory after a fierce challenge from progressive Marie Newman on Tuesday in Illinois’s third congressional district. However, in a district that backed Hillary Clinton by 15 points in 2016, he faced criticism not just for his views on abortion but his opposition to the Affordable Care Act and refusal to endorse Barack Obama in 2012. Illinois primary pits rare 'pro-life' Democrat against progressive wing Read more The race drew national attention as Newman was backed by a number of major players in the Democratic party including Emily’s List, the Human Rights Campaign and SEIU. She also received the support of national political figures including Kirsten Gillibrand and Bernie Sanders while touting her support for crucial progressive priorities such as Medicare for All and a $15 minimum wage. In contrast, Lipinski relied on support from local labor unions as well as the remnants of the “Democratic machine” in Chicago. In an interview with the Guardian, Ilyse Hogue, the head of the influential pro-choice group Naral, which backed Newman early on, said the group had “made the race a top priority”. Newman echoed this message, telling the Guardian Lipinski was too conservative for the district: “He’s to the right of most Republicans.” She also criticized her opponent for “living on the coattails of his father” and claimed “he doesn’t work hard”. Lipinski is virtually certain to win in November. With 95% of precincts reporting, Pritzker had 46% while Biss had 26% and Kennedy had 24%. With 95% of precincts reporting, the incumbent eked out a win by 52% to 48%.