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Defiant Sarah Huckabee Sanders Claims She Doesn’t Know Where Voice Comes From When She...

WASHINGTON—Insisting she was not culpable for the inexplicable contents of her spoken communications, White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders defiantly claimed Friday that she doesn’t know where the voice comes from when she opens her mouth. “Listen, I don’t control where these words come from, okay? When I open my mouth, they just start pouring out of me automatically,” said a combative Huckabee Sanders, contending that she cannot be held responsible for the eerie, guttural rumbling that originates in her gut and slowly works its way up to her mouth, resulting in a disturbing oratory operating outside of her conscious awareness. “It’s detestable that the press would pin the words that come out of my mouth on me. Don’t you dare question my motives by blaming me for this mysterious force using my voice to communicate with the media. Is it a demon? A machine? Could it be a tiny woman living inside my vocal cords? I don’t have the answer. All I know is that when I open my mouth, the world goes dark and then I’ll come to later with no memory whatsoever of what just happened.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Accuses Media of Anti-Liar Bias

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Reacting to the journalist April Ryan’s call for her to be fired, the White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, said, on Friday, that she has been the victim of the media’s “widespread anti-liar bias.” “From their obsession with fact-checking to their relentless attacks on falsehoods, the media have made no secret of their bias,” Sanders said. “It’s open season on liars in America.” “This is media hypocrisy at its very worst,” she added. “The same journalists who advocate freedom of speech want to take that freedom away from anyone whose speech consists entirely of lies.” “This is nothing more or less than a direct attack on the lying life style,” she said. “You take away my right to lie and you take away my ability to earn a living.” Kellyanne Conway, the White House senior counsellor, spoke out in support of Sanders, telling reporters, “An attack on one liar is an attack on all liars.” “Our country has seen some dark days, from the Bowling Green Massacre to the bugging of the White House microwave,” she said. “But this might be the darkest.”

Ex-Obama Border Patrol chief supports idea of sending migrant detainees to sanctuary cities

Mark Morgan, former Border Patrol chief under President Obama, said Monday he supports an idea floated by President Donald Trump to send immigrants from the border to sanctuary cities. Make no mistake, they could have prevented this (border crisis) and they failed to do so and then every time this current administration tries to come up with an option, they shoot it down. The border patrol, ICE, their facilities are overwhelmed, the faith-based organizations and other non-governmental organizations are overwhelmed. They have no choice. They’re going to have to start pushing these individuals out. Shouldn't we kind of share the burden throughout the country?” White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders confirmed to "Fox News Sunday" that President Trump's prospective plan to send illegal immigrants to sanctuary cities is undergoing a "complete and thorough review," days after Democrats, who have fought to protect illegal immigrants from federal authorities, characterized the possible move as a dangerous stunt. "But until we can fix the crisis at the border, we have to look at all options. “This is again his manufactured chaos that he’s (President Trump) created over the last two years on the border,” said Thompson. Morgan, who served in the last six months of the Obama administration and a seemingly unlikely source of support for President Trump, said in response, “I’m here and I've broken my silence for one reason: because it’s fact.” He added, “What the president is saying and what they're trying to do as far as the policy goes, it’s based on reality and fact and I know that because he’s listening to the experts. Anyone who says this a manufactured crisis is absolutely misleading the American people.” Morgan then added there are “some questions of legality” as well as “some issues with logistics” with Trump's prospective plan.

U.S. Secret Service director is out, latest casualty in DHS shakeup

USSS Director Randolph Alles, a retired Marine Corps major general who was appointed two years ago, is on his way out the door just the day after the head of the Department of Homeland Security, Kirstjen Nielsen, resigned under pressure on Sunday night. Alles reported to her. In a statement to the agency's workforce on Monday, Alles denied being fired and said he was informed "weeks ago" that there would be across-the-board changes in leadership at DHS. I assure you that this is not the case, and in fact was told weeks ago by the Administration that transitions in leadership should be expected across the Department of Homeland Security," Alles said in a statement. He added, "It has been my great honor to serve as Director of the U.S. Secret Service. Your dedication and sacrifice continue to make the U.S. Secret Service an elite law enforcement agency; one that will remain so well into the future." CNN first reported Alles' departure. April 8, 201902:31 Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y., called on Alles to testify before Congress about the Mar-a-Lago incident in a statement on Monday “The outgoing Secret Service director must testify before Congress as soon as possible about the potential security vulnerabilities at Mar-a-Lago involving a Chinese national arrested with malware, and other counterintelligence and national security threats," Schumer said. Meanwhile, Trump may remove or reassign Claire Grady from her current role as acting Deputy Secretary of Homeland Security, in order to install Kevin McAleenan, the current commissioner of U.S. Customs and Border Protection, as the Acting Secretary for DHS, according to three administration officials. But Trump announced on Sunday that he planned to make McAleenan the acting secretary.

Sarah Sanders: Democrats need to do their jobs instead of playing politics with border...

White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders said Tuesday that President Trump's primary focus is on the safety of the American people, and that Democrats are "too busy playing politics instead of doing their jobs." In addressing the president's remarks about the possibility of shutting down the southern border with Mexico, Sanders argued that even former President Obama's Department of Homeland Security Secretary agreed last week that there is a "crisis" at the border, and pointed to more widespread acceptance of President Trump's declarations. As for the strict measures the president is proposing for the border, she added, "Democrats in Congress are leaving us no choice. They're unwilling to work with us to fix this problem because they're too busy playing politics to do their jobs." Among renewed concerns about how closing the border would negatively impact jobs and the national GDP, Sanders said that Mexico has been cooperating more in recent weeks by participating in the illegal immigration process, stopping people from crossing and offering asylum on their side of the border. "Democrats may not care about that, they may be perfectly fine watching women and children exploited as they make the treacherous journey up from the south across the southern border." Sanders' response was that Democrats are only attempting to get the full report because Attorney General William Barr's summary wasn't as critical of President Trump as they expected. "It just shows what sore losers Democrats really are," she said. "They went out and lied about what they expected the Mueller report to tell America, and they got it wrong." Sanders argued that a vote could not take place now because Democrats are "controlled by the far radical left wing of their party," and want to pioneer a "government takeover" of health care that tells Americans what they can and can't do with their bodies.
Sarah Sanders reacts to Democrats launching Trump probe

Sarah Sanders reacts to Democrats launching Trump probe

Speaking on 'Fox & Friends,' press secretary Sarah Sanders calls it 'absolutely outrageous' that Democrats are launching investigations into the president instead of solving the country's problems. #AmericasNewsroom #FoxNews FOX News operates the FOX News Channel (FNC), FOX Business Network…
Sarah Sanders mocked for saying God wanted Trump as president

Sarah Sanders mocked for saying God wanted Trump as president

Critics pounce on White House press secretary Sarah Sanders' interview with Christian Broadcasting Network. Reaction and analysis on 'The Five.' #TheFive #FoxNews FOX News Channel (FNC) is a 24-hour all-encompassing news service dedicated to delivering breaking news as well as…
Sanders slams Dems for being 'unwilling to negotiate in good faith'

Sanders slams Dems for being ‘unwilling to negotiate in good faith’

Speaking to 'Fox & Friends,' the White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders says House Speaker Pelosi needs to get serious about doing her job and not just being a political figure. FOX News Channel (FNC) is a 24-hour all-encompassing news…

Trump Offers to Station Pence at Border with Binoculars in Lieu of Wall

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an unexpected breakthrough that could end the government shutdown, President Donald Trump has backed down from his demand for a wall and offered instead to post Vice-President Mike Pence at the border with big binoculars. According to the White House, Pence’s mission at the border will alternate between keeping an eye out for potential intruders and glaring menacingly into the distance. At a press conference announcing the development, Pence appeared to embrace his new role as the nation’s first line of defense against illegal immigration. “If anyone wants to sneak into the United States, why, lordy, they’ll have to get past Mike Pence first,” he said. The White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, denied that stationing Pence at the border represented a concession on Trump’s part and claimed that the Vice-President was “just as good as a wall.” “If anyone can take the place of an inanimate object, it’s Mike Pence,” she said.

Trump Names TV Remote New Chief of Staff

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Having been turned down by several previous choices for the job, Donald J. Trump broke with tradition on Monday by picking his television remote to be his new chief of staff. While some in Washington wondered whether an inanimate object was up to the rigors of working for the mercurial Trump, the White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, defended the unorthodox selection. “The President and the remote have demonstrated an excellent ability to work together, often for ten or twelve hours a day,” Sanders said. But even as the White House touted the remote’s qualifications, its tenure as chief of staff appeared to get off to a rocky start on Monday morning. After the remote got stuck and failed to change the channel when CNN’s Jim Acosta appeared on the television screen, Trump reportedly threw his new chief of staff across the room, narrowly missing Mike Pence’s head. “I’ll be surprised if the remote makes it through the year,” a White House source said. Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,” and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com. Read more »