Betsy DeVos Suggests That Bribing Colleges Helps Students Learn Math

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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Offering an upbeat assessment of the headline-grabbing college-admissions scandal, Betsy DeVos said on Thursday that bribing colleges gave students “a really neat opportunity” to learn math.

The Secretary of Education suggested that, rather than keeping children in the dark about the bribes that enable their college acceptances, “Parents should sit around the kitchen table with their kids and work…

“Fox & Friends” Blames Obama for Creating Additional Mexicos

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NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—After praising Donald J. Trump, on Sunday, for cutting aid to “three Mexican countries,” the cast of “Fox & Friends” blamed former President Barack Obama for creating additional Mexicos during his tenure in the White House.

“When Barack Obama took office, there was only one Mexico,” the host Ed Henry said. “He allowed these additional Mexicos…