Tag: Tanning (leather)

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In the latest salvo in its escalating trade war with the United States, China has slapped all tanning beds slated for export to the U.S. with a two-thousand-per-cent tariff. By artificially hiking up the cost of its tanning beds, China succeeded in sending the price of tanning beds worldwide soaring in overnight markets. In what some experts regarded as a related move, China also placed a four-thousand-per-cent tariff on all spray-tan products headed for the U.S., as well as instant-tanning lotions, makeup foundation, and several popular hues of orange paint, including butter rum and burnt sienna. The White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, blasted China’s tariffs on its full range of tanning products, calling the move an “act of war.” “What China doesn’t understand is that it is far from the only player in the tanning game,” Sanders said. “The United States stands ready and willing to import tanning beds from our friends in Canada.” In Ottawa, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau responded to reporters’ questions about the prospect of Canada shipping tanning beds to the United States. “It doesn’t look good,” he said.