Tag: Stunning

In Stunning New Deal with Democrats, Trump Agrees to Be Impeached. WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In his most stunning deal yet with Democratic leaders, Donald Trump agreed on Friday to be impeached by the end of 2017. Emerging from an Oval Office meeting with Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, a beaming Trump touted the deal for his imminent removal from office. “Chuck and Nancy and I got a deal done on impeachment,” Trump said. “It was a good deal and it was a fast deal.” Trump said that the Democrats had convinced him that agreeing to be impeached would make him soar in popularity. “People are going to love me for doing this,” Trump said. “They’re going to love it on all the channels.” In a barb aimed at House Speaker Paul Ryan and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, Trump said that the impeachment agreement was something he “never could have gotten done” with the Republican leadership. “I went around and around with the Republicans for months on health care,” he said. “This meeting with Chuck and Nancy took, what, five minutes, and I could get back to watching TV.” Hoping to capitalize on their momentum, Pelosi and Schumer said that they would meet with Trump next week to discuss the ouster of Vice-President Mike Pence.