Tag: Demographics of Russia

President Vladimir Putin has graciously dispatched the antidote to all 76.6% of the nation’s population that voted for him in yesterday’s Russian election. Before they were allowed to vote, each Russian citizen was sat down and asked to drink a cup of ‘Uncle Vlad’s Polonium Tea’. They were then informed they had been poisoned and would only be given the antidote if they made ‘the right choice’ in the voting booth. Putin was true to his word and the population of Russia will only drop by 23.4% over the coming few days. Many world leaders have stepped forward and attacked Putin on the way he earned his victory, with the exception of Donald Trump who called the plot ‘another example of President Putin’s genius’. ‘I still have so much to learn from him,’ said Trump. The election win gives Putin another six years in office in which he says his main focus will be to increase defence against the West, improve standards of living in Russian, and finally beating his Rubik’s Cube.