Tag: Davis Logsdon

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Just days after losing his top security clearance at the White House, Jared Kushner could soon be eligible to enter another high-security government facility, legal experts believe. According to Davis Logsdon, a law professor at the University of Minnesota, Kushner could be on the verge of obtaining “long-term clearance” at this separate facility, which, like the White House, is owned and operated by the federal government. Logsdon said that, although such a facility lacks some of the prestige of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Kushner would have access to government benefits there that far exceed what he has received as an unpaid adviser at the White House. “All of his meals and housing would be fully paid for by the taxpayer,” Logsdon said. “And, if things play out the way some believe they will, Jared Kushner could be receiving these benefits for decades to come.” While gaining entry to another government facility so soon after losing security clearance at the White House would represent an extraordinary comeback for Kushner, it would not come without a price, the law professor warned. “Jared Kushner might have to put his plans to bring peace to the Middle East on hold,” he said.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—One day after Donald J. Trump offered to testify under oath for the special counsel, Robert Mueller, a newly discovered video of Trump lying under oath has sent shock waves through Washington. In the video, which experts believe was recorded approximately one year ago, Trump places his left hand on a Bible and raises his right hand before uttering a stream of falsehoods. “The video shows him lying in front of what appears to be a substantial number of witnesses, including his wife and a Supreme Court Justice,” Davis Logsdon, a professor at the University of Minnesota Law School, said. “It does raise questions about what, exactly, testifying under oath means to him.” At the office of the special counsel, Mueller’s team was reportedly considering having Trump swear on something that was more meaningful to him than the Bible, such as a rolled-up copy of Forbes. But, while Washington mulled the implications of the explosive video, the White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, questioned the authenticity of the video itself. “The person in this video is not the President of the United States,” she said.