Ah, Thanksgiving, that most unpolitical of holidays, where families get together at tables overflowing with produce picked by hands unknown to them, having a genial conversation about “safe topics” while a Redskins game, beginning just after the National Anthem, plays in the next room.
There are some who continue to maintain that talking about politics over a meal, particularly a holiday meal, is bad form. While it’s true that an antagonistic discourse has been inserted into every waking moment of our lives (and many nightmares!) the solution probably isn’t talking less, but rather talking smarter. Since an overt introduction of supposedly hot-button topics, like basic human rights, may devolve into a shouting match, you might want to try including the following dishes on your menu, all of which will allow you to passive-aggressively steer the conversation toward the thing that everybody is thinking about anyway.
A Pie with 232 Blueberries and 200 Cranberries
usrjrey
Your family may not notice that this pie reflects the new configuration of the House of Representatives after what was unequivocally a blue wave, so you’ll need to subtly remind them by saying “This pie reflects the new configuration of the House of Representatives after what was unequivocally a blue wave.” If you’re really feeling saucy, feel free to launch into a discussion of gerrymandering while you’re cutting the slices. This recipe is fine if you mix the berries together, but will pack even more of a punch if you make 46 percent of the pie cranberries and 54 percent of it blueberries. How will you construct this? I don’t know! This isn’t a cooking blog. This is America.
A Gingerbread House In Disrepair
kislev
Your family may think this is yet another commentary on the House but it is not. It is a reminder that Ben Carson is the Housing and Urban Development Secretary even though he himself said he was not qualified. “What’s up with that guy?” you should genially ask your family, as you casually knock the crumbling chimney of the home over. “Last time we heard about him he was trying to blame his wife for buying $31,000 of furniture for the HUD Office. But that was like seven months ago. Do you think he’s been focusing on doing a good job since then? You think that’s a likely development in housing?”
Instant Pot Stuffing
Portland Press Herald
It’s quick and easy and dirties so few dishes because who has time for washing pots and stirring noodles at such a time as this? You’re busy marching and knocking on doors and very expressively refusing plastic straws when they are offered to you at restaurants. But it’s not just the ease of preparation that makes this dish a winner. When your family asks where you got the idea for this, you can reply proudly, “From Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Instagram stories! While other politicians are out dining at Trump Hotels with oil barons and Bane from Batman, AOC is at home making Instant Pot recipes and talking about policy. What…
