“I’ve got Trump nomination bingo! See, it’s all squares that say, ‘White guy.’”
“Now, I don’t know much about Kavanaugh, but I’m skeptical — because his name is Brett. That sounds less like a Supreme Court justice and more like a waiter at Ruby Tuesday’s. ‘Hey, everybody, I’m Brett, I’ll be your Supreme Court justice for tonight. Before you sit down, let me just clear away these rights for you.’”
“All 12 Thai boys and their coach have been rescued from the cave that they were trapped in for more than two weeks. That feels good. In fact, it’s a great story that gives everyone hope. And it reminds us of the importance of permission slips for field trips to flooded caves.”
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“Everybody loves this story. Are you listening, Mr. President? Freeing children makes people like you!”
“We’re getting reports…