Trump Wonders Who Will Read Classified Documents Aloud to Him Now That Jared’s Gone

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—With Jared Kushner losing his top security clearance, Donald J. Trump is concerned that there will be no one to read classified documents aloud to him anymore, White House aides have confirmed.

The aides, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that Kushner’s recitation of top-secret documents had become something of a bedtime ritual for Trump.


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