The True Conservatives Hype A Trumpocalypse In A Desperate Bid For Attention

The True Conservatives Hype A Trumpocalypse In A Desperate Bid For Attention

The latest Never Trump meme is that Donald Trump has defected to the Democrats, a notion that might charitably be labeled “wishful thinking” if it actually involved any thinking. But the “wishful” part is in full effect as this tattered remnant of worshippers at the altar of Establishment Conservatism seeks to revive their failed cult and reassume their position as the priesthood of all things on the right.

You remember Establishment Conservatism, right? It is to conservatism as Unitarians are to Christianity – “Well, I sort of believe in something, but mostly I just want whatever I do validated.” Establishment Conservatism is the sect that promised for seven years to repeal Obamacare then…didn’t. But that was Trump’s fault, of course, because reasons and because you’re a fake conservative for asking and also shut up.

So, this week’s True Con embarrassment arose because the Republicans were somehow going to score yet another smashing victory in a debt ceiling fight, as they always do, but darn that Trump! He got in the way of their cunning scheme. Or something.

When the collective panty twist went off, their wailing and gnashing of teeth seemed a bit overblown – by a factor of about a zillion. The media, always eager to divide the GOP and helped out by establishment Republicans who are always eager to be divided, dropped the breathless revelation that Trump had made a deal with Schumer and Pelosi to put off the debt ceiling fight until December and to pass a huge hurricane relief package for Texas – you know, where the GOP base lives.

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And those of us who aren’t wrapped up in trying to salvage our relevance wondered, “Hmmm, it’s unusual he agreed with those two, but what’s so bad about putting off a fight that will inevitably lead to the Congressional GOP capitulating while getting our red state voters hurricane aid?” But see, we’re too dumb to understand that this was THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED IN THE HISTORY OF EVER BECAUSE OF SOME REASON.

The frenzied Fredocon spaz-fest that followed gave away the game. “Oh no, Trump sold out everything conservatives believe in by delaying the GOP’s certain humiliation for three months! He betrayed you all with this insignificant delay and by ensuring the GOP didn’t walk into the ‘You Republicans are playing politics with Harvey aid!’ ambush. He’s clearly a Democrat now and next it will be single payer and then he’ll change all our pronouns to ‘xe’ or ‘xir.’”

Blah blah blah blah blah. Don’t these people ever get tired of being wrong?

When I saw the compromise news, I thought it odd that Trump had agreed with the Democrats about something, but I wondered what the collective freakout was all about. Perhaps I didn’t understand the GOP’s clever play. So I asked on Twitter, “I’m just curious about what the GOPe’s plan for victory on the debt ceiling was. Their track record is so good that I’m sure it was awesome.” Maybe I was missing something. Maybe there was some great plan that the Republicans had created that somehow Trump truncated. Turns out I was not missing anything. There was no plan. This supernova of fake…


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